I have wrestled with this so much. Honestly, I am not even sure posting this is the best idea. Here is your warning: you will probably be very angry when you read this blog.
Alright, I warned you….
So, many readers have asked me what the first ending to His Retribution was. Now, I did completely delete the chapters- they are forever gone. But the content is still there in the back of my head.
I’m just going to come out and say it- I KILLED AZALEA.
There.
I admitted it.
I killed her.
I wrote the whole ending.
She died, Liam went crazy, things exploded. It was messy. It was terrible.
AND IT WAS WRONG.
I finished the chapters, set down my computer, and immediately regretted all of it. I knew it was wrong and not what would really happen. I would like to chalk it up to a funky mood or frustrations with some of my less than friendly commenters, but that is probably a bit disingenuous.
Looking back, I think I went a little stir crazy and power-mad when I was writing. Sometimes, it feels like characters write themselves and you, the author, are just their vehicle. I struggled a lot with that while I was writing His Retribution. The characters were driving my plot and it wasn’t going the way I planned in my head.
Maybe killing Azalea was me trying to take back control? Maybe I just wanted to be finished with the book?
That is definitely possible. Spending so much time constantly wrapping your head around the same characters can be a little taxing. When I wrote His Redemption, there wasn’t much pressure in terms of holding to an update schedule. My book wasn’t very popular so there weren’t as many people shouting from the rafters about updates. Plus, I wasn’t signed with Stary yet. Now that I am signed and the series has so much of a fan base, the pressure is much more intense. (I love you all so much, but the guilt is stronggggg sometimes.)
So yea, I killed her. I killed Azalea then Liam went on a total rampage. He hurt Damien and Maddox in the process of trying to kill Warwick. Maddox wasn’t the one to come to Missy’s rescue and I never made them mates either. Vlad died too but I didn’t feel his ending really gave his character any justice. All in all, it was a fiasco that I just couldn’t put out in the world.
I know a lot of people didn’t like the major cliffhanger and wanted more questions answered. I think many of you might agree the cliffhanger is better than the original ending, though.
There is still a lot of story left for Azalea, Liam, the Blackfur children, and Blood Eclipse Pack. I hope that His Retaliation will bring justice to a lot of these storylines. Who knows? There may even be some story floating around for another pack as well.